i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
