i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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