I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
