I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
