WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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