so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
