Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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