it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
