i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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