i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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