I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
