who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
