Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
