when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I could have mohawked her pubes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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