i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
