You're so nebulous sometimes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
