My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
