I want you more than these girls want KFC
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
