ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize