i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
