so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize