I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
