you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
