he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His hands were made for my vagina.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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