On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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