you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize