vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize