if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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