I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
