having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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