Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
