Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
