I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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