I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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