is your mom at the bar?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
