And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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