I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
