It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
