so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
