The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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