I wanna bring you to show and tell
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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