I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
