I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
