the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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