i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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