he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
