my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
