u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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