this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
