I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize