the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
