Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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