We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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