I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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