I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize