Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone signed my nipple.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
