yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
