hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize