Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
