Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
