There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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