Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
