Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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